2010 - Jimmy's Year in Review (The Top 11 Incase You Missed Them)

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  For my three (semi-) followers who don't really log on to see what's happening in my blog on any regular interval, I thought I would provide a quick summary of the Top 11 blogs of my choosing.  (Eleven because Ten is over done and eleven is a pretty good number).  This should help you incase you missed nothing of importance.  These are not the ones which created the most buzz (if one can say that about my musings), but ones which I enjoyed writing and laughing about.

Number 11:  Eagles and Harleys and Claws... Oh My
Jimmy's glad he's not this stupid... to be disproved below.

Number 10:  Jimmy Is Disillusioned By Politics  
The most ironic sign I've seen.

Number 9:  Jimmy's Wife Comments on Last Blog
Continuing discussion on my favorite sweatshirt.

Number 8:  Jimmy's Sign From Above  
Perhaps its time for Jimmy to get glasses.

Number 7:  Jimmy Needs Glasses
Yes - Jimmy does need glasses... really.

Number 6:  Jimmy Turns Hawaiian  
Maybe you heard about a recent milestone.

Number 5:  Whoa... For a Second Jimmy Thought  
Jimmy relives an event my brother wants to forget.

Number 4:  Jimmy's Apology to Target Corporation 
You didn't hear this from me.

Number 3:  Jimmy's Crappy Luck  
Home repair taken to a new low.

Number 2:  Jimmy's Electrical Adventure
Jimmy just needs to leave the tools alone.

And my daughter's favorite story...
Number 1:  The Art of Winter Driving - Jimmy Style  
Suggestion to stay off the roads.


Let me know your favorite story because I'm sure there is more in there to write about later.

Thanks - have a great and safe 2011.

Jimmy

Jimmy's Basic English Deficiency

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  OK, now that I've confessed to not hearing and understanding the differences between "Meat" Vodka and "Mint" Vodka, I can mention another time when what I thought I heard did not match what was actually said.

While waiting for a flight out of Taipei on China Air, an announcement came over the public address system for what we thought was to apologize for the longer than normal delay in boarding.  The Taiwanese airline employee started speaking in broken English with a heavy Mandrin accent, "We would ike to apahagize fo the incompetence."

Immediately one of my fellow passengers asked, "Did she just say they were apologizing for their incompetence?"

Another guy sitting across the aisle chimed in, "No, she said 'incontinence.'"

Either way - no good.

However we later figured she was trying to say, "We apologize for the inconvenience."

Jimmy hopes this hearing deficiency doesn't create another international incident.  Either that, or there is an opening for some English language courses in Taipei.

Upon Further Review by Jimmy

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... but I will.  After my last posting on the Polish Vodka, I decided to do a little research.  Wódka Żołądkowa Gorzka does have three flavors:  Orange, Mint and what I thought the lady said was "Meat."  That sounded a bit strange to me, but who knows... I've seen some pretty crazy things traveling abroad.... but Meat Vodka? That sounded almost plausible coming from Poland, but after looking it up on the Internet, I guess the lady was saying "Mint" but it sounded like "Meat."  So upon further review, mint would have been an excellent choice.

Jimmy is Lost in Translation

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  An interesting aspect of my job is the chance to sample the local culture of most of the locations I visit.  Poland was especially nice; however, the vodka wasn’t too nice back to me.  It’s not what you think… I just had a hard time drinking shots of alcohol when all I could feel was a burning sensation going down my throat.  It helps when the vodka is chilled or nearly frozen, but not all of it comes that way.  However, when in Poland you gotta do what the locals do...  It wasn’t until I discovered Wódka Żołądkowa Gorzka that I could at least enjoy a shot or two of the stuff.  The group I was with couldn’t decide what flavor it was, but consensus determined that it had a hint of cinnamon flavor.

Cinnamon is not my favorite, but this didn’t deter me from wanting to bring a bottle back to the US since it was that good.  So before I had too many, I tapped out the name of the vodka on my iPhone and relaxed knowing I didn’t have to remember the name or try to pronounce it. 

The night before leaving, I headed down to a liquor store in the town square to make my purchase.  Not surprisingly, not a soul in the quaint little shop spoke English, but I had planned for this situation.  I handed my iPhone over to the proprietor and pointed to the screen with the name of the spirit I wanted to purchase.  She nodded her head and motioned me to one particular area.  It had every kind of Wódka Żołądkowa Gorzka on the shelf and she expected me to know which one I wanted. 

I asked in English, “Cinnamon?” because that was the best guess at the time.  Apparently “cinnamon” is not a universal word between our two languages and she looked at me and shook her head.  I looked at the other patrons for a little advice and asked even though I knew better, “English?”  Everyone shook their head. Again, I asked "Cinnamon," and heard no takers.

Finally the owner motioned again at the three choices like I had to make a decision now since she was busy.  I pointed at the one on the bottom because it “looked” cinnamon.  She shook her head like that wasn’t a good choice to make.  Silently she waved her hand again directing at the three distinct options.  Again I pointed to the “cinnamon” looking bottle.  She shook her head and grabbed the bottle in a way that made me think I was making a mistake by not taking her advice… but my odds weren’t that good either way and I thought it best to stick with my original guess.

Later the next day, after I had checked my luggage with my proud possession of some type of local vodka, I noticed a duty free shop with my vodka along with the other flavors.  I knew I could not make another purchase since my carry on would be held at the next stop, but I asked if the owner of the store spoke English.  She nodded her head and I asked, “Can you explain the differences between these three vodkas?”

She rattled them off, “This is orange.  This is honey… and this is meat.”

Obviously the first lady knew what she was talking about.

Jimmy Meets The David

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  I am praying that my daughter is not blessed with my unique and somewhat bizarre sense of humor, but on somewhat more frequent occasions it seems to be surfacing.  Take for example our trip to Italy last year.  The history is amazing but after a while it’s difficult to absorb another marble statue representing some aspect of some century so far back I’ve lost count.  Even though the art is amazing, soon all the sculptures begin to look alike… including all aspects of the detailed anatomical features.  As a modest Midwestern father of a teenage girl, I finally got somewhat accustomed to the… let’s just say the unashamed aspects of the artwork.

We had been through the Vatican, St. Peter’s Cathedral and every Roman fountain known to man.  It wasn’t until we reach Florence, home of Michelangelo, that we seemed to have reached the peak… the agony of seeing one more statue (showing everything), but the ecstasy of seeing one the greatest sculptures ever crafted.  Florence proudly displays “The David.”  This is the masterpiece crafted from a chunk of marble rejected by many renowned artisans of the day, only to be accepted by, at the time, a little known Michelangelo as a challenge to showcase his own confident abilities.

The guide was telling us that we were looking at an exact replica and if we were so interested, she could take us to see the original that is protected in a museum a couple of blocks around the corner.  However, it was easier to see this one in the large public square amongst many other works of art and she explained the story behind masterpiece.  She noted that even though this represented the young David at the moment prior to slaying Goliath, that the model was most certainly an Italian man.  She noted that the nose was more Roman and that this was not a young boy, but rather a young and a well developed young man at that.  She also pointed out that David, while Jewish, would have been circumcised, but that this model was definitely not. 

It was then that guide gracefully waved her hand to show all the other similarly displayed young Italian physiques forever captured in the proud and stoic marble and commented, “As a result, you’ll begin to note some similarities to the other sculptures done around the same time.”

In an instant, my daughter leaned over to my wife, rolled her eyes and dryly said out of the corner of her mouth, “I’ll say.”