Saturday, December 31, 2011

Jimmy Says Farewell - It's an End of an Era

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... but I will.  Yes, I know, it's an end of an era... a sad day... a farewell of sorts.  I know most of you were hoping that the blog finally bit the dust... but no - something even more somber for some, and a celebration for most in my household.  No.  It's not the end of the year that some are thinking... but on the same level, it is a moment of reflection of past glory and yet the anticipation of a solid future on which to build - a comfort beyond any measure for Jimmy.

Yes, you guessed it - my wife's nemesis is finally being tossed.  The glory days are over for the old sweatshirt.


(A fitting memorial is planned.  I may have to fold it into a triangle and send it to the VFW for proper disposal.  I'll miss you old friend).  



Some might ask... why?  You see the glory days are back.  My wife gave me the greatest gift - HALLELUJAH - a new sweatshirt to replace my compatriot.  She's the best.  Thanks hon.  I'll treasure it and keep it for as long as I had the first...

Yes I know, I can't wear it to bed...  OK no wearing it to church.  But I insist that on days I wear it, you can't make spaghetti or anything with red sauce.  







PS.  Right now I kinda feel bad about getting you those Pajama Jeans.









Saturday, December 3, 2011

Jimmy's Black Friday Fiasco

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  Jimmy swore off participating in Black Friday sales years ago, but I must have forgotten and somehow my wife talked me into doing the Thanksgiving Day blitz in her stead.  She had to work and since sleeping was my only excuse... weak as it was, I was elected to go.

The task assigned to me was simple - get to The Home Depot before the doors opened at 5am, pick up an artificial Christmas tree, return home and go back to bed - simple enough.  My wife circled the item in the flyer and specifically pointed out the $49 pre-lit Christmas tree.  That was the intended target - simple enough - piece of cake - can a corn.

I strategized that since only men would probably go to The Home Depot and very few of them would ever wait in line in the middle of the night (especially for a Christmas tree), my chances would be pretty good if I just got there 5 to 10 minutes before opening.  Therefore I decided to "sleep in" until 4:30am, and still get a good place in line.

When I arrived at my pre-calculated time, I was somewhat surprised to see 100+ individuals in a long line stretching down the sidewalk.  For crying out loud... this is only The Home Depot store.  Who in their right mind would be standing in line to get tools and stuff?  Yes... women.  Apparently this artificial Christmas tree was a high demand item so this was going to be a bit tricky to maneuver around highly trained shoppers that they were.

At precisely 5am, the store opened and the orderly queue filed in as many shoppers dispersed through the store.  From behind 20-30 people I could see people making a mad dash picking up long boxes I could only assumed where my intended target - the $49 pre-lit Christmas trees.  But the crowd in front of me stopped and no one could move.  I continued to see the stack dwindle right before my eyes so I had to make a drastic decision.  The only other guy in the store, stood right in front blocking my path.  He was pushing a huge flat top carrier and he couldn't move from the mass of bodies starting to backup in the aisle.  I asked him if his wife also forced him to pick up a Christmas tree and he said no... he was headed in different direction and unfortunately could not get though... so I climbed over him and walked across his cart... all with the most brotherly love possible... after all this was Christmas.  Sorry bro.


I could not have waited any longer as I arrived just in time to proudly grab the last box and fend off the multitude of ladies I had just thrown to the side.  I had my trophy and it still displayed the $49 sign on it as proof of my superb hunting skills.  I walked up the counter and quickly paid.  Total time elapsed in the store - less than 5 minutes.

As I was walking back to my vehicle, it dawned on me... she said "pre-lit" and the other phrase I remembered from the night before... "don't get the pre-decorated one." I think the other part she said was, "LET ME REPEAT... DON'T GET THE PRE-DECORATED ONE."  Uh oh... 50/50 odds now.

Since it was still dark outside, I had to wait until I loaded the vehicle and then I turned on the lights.  At this moment, Jimmy had a choice:  Return the item or go home.  Since I didn't want to set an embarrassing world record for the earliest retuned item ever - 7 minutes after the official start - I decided to head home and insist that she said she wanted the "PRE-DECORATED."   Better luck next year hon.





Saturday, November 12, 2011

Jimmy Receives Email on TSA

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  Wow Big Brother is watching Jimmy.  Not sure if one of my regular FB readers turned me in or not, but Jimmy received a ominous email regarding the TSA.

Not sure if you have been following my latest exploits about the TSA, but I need to stash away a few more copies of Catcher in the Rye.

Delta, my regular airline carrier, sent me an opportunity in the email that I could not pass up... so to speak.

It looks like I can opt in for some special treatment from my favorite folks down at the TSA.





"SEE WHAT OTHER TRAVELER ARE SAYING ABOUT TSA'S NEW EXPEDITED SCREENING PROGRAM."  Not sure I want to get expedited to the front of that line again.


Down here at the bottom, it asks me if I have any friends of family who aren't in the screening program and might like to participate.  As a favor to all my FB friends, I have sent your emails to the TSA so you can enjoy the same expedited system I get.  Congratulations.  Christmas came early to all my friends!


Jimmy's TSA Refrain (with apologies...)


Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  Jimmy has a final word about the TSA.  I had to steal this from the iowahawk blog.  He decided to rewrite the lyrics to several John Lennon songs.  The following appropriately titled  "I'm Back in the USSR" goes like this:










For all the other songs go to:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2011/06/john-lennon.html



Delta to Miami Beach flight 803
Man I really hate to fly
At the gate his hands were on my knee
And the they clambered up my thigh

I'm back at the TSA
It wasn't always this way, boy
I'm back at the TS, back at the TS
Back at the TSA

Those O'Hare boys really feel me out
In front and from behind
At LAX they make me scream and shout
And ATL in Georgia loves to give an extra little bump and grind

Take me through your scanners with your paddle wand
Take an x-ray of my tool
Squeeze my nuts and call the dogs to sniff for bombs
Napolitano says it's cool 

I'm back at the TSA
I hope this dude isn't gay
I'm back at the TS, back at the TS
Back at the TSA


Friday, November 4, 2011

Jimmy Meets the TSA

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  If you haven't noticed, Jimmy has been laying low after some recent travel.  Some might suspect it's a government imposed super secret restriction.  It all started when I was on a recent trip through Cleveland and had a small run-in with the TSA(ut) - Transportation Security Administration (union thugs) that is.

Jimmy was running late, yet privilege has it perks... or so I thought.  My Sky Priority allowed me to take the express lane right to the front (all to the aggravation of the less fortunates stiffs that were being treated more like cattle waiting to get branded in the narrow lane stalls).  Immediately the TSA agent motioned me over to review my documents.  So far so good... they even opened up a new line to run me through the metal detectors and I was going to make it through in world record time.  Well, just as I pulled my laptop out of its bag, another man jumped right in front of me and proceeded to do the drill - the drill I had just completed with liquids, belts, shoes, hats, coats, laptops, billfolds, keys, coins, etc.  I could have walked around him, but I had my four separate plastic bins to carry around him and only two hands, therefore I concluded that I had gained enough valuable time, I could spare a bit... be generous - let the other man go first.

After a short delay, he went through the metal detector successfully and as Jimmy was starting to walk through the same machine, they roped it off and motioned me to go through the new fangled full body scanner.  Now I have done that drill several times and never knew what all the fuss was about... until now.

I barely got settled with my feet on the yellow fake footprints and my hands above my head like I just held up the 5&Dime when the TSA(ut) lady turned it on.  She couldn't decide whether to let me out or rerun the scan, but decided it was "OK," as she stated.  However the rather large looking goon at the end of the line seemed to disagree and they started haggling over the results of the scan.  She said, it was OK, but he wanted to implement DEFCON 4, the next level of protocol.

The intimidating figure blocked my path and asked me to wait while he called over his supervisor, an equally sized LG (large goon) who then asked me to step over to his "office."  As the first agent blocked the door (assuming I was going to make a break for it), the supervisor explained, "This is how it's going to work," and he snapped the latex gloves in the exact manner that my proctologist does.

"I'm going to use my open hands everywhere, all the way up both your legs - to the very top.  I will reach completely inside your trousers - all the way around and when I check your "sensitive" area, I will use the back of my hands across your front and across your buttocks.  Any questions before I start?"

At this point, I started to get worried.  "What exactly IS the problem officer?"

The LG supervisor then stated in vague technical terms, "We have an anomaly in your groin that we need to check."

I quickly replied, "Well I'm sure it's a very LARGE anomaly you found."

Sure enough, he checked just like he stated and then said he had to run the gloves through the chemical analyzer looking for bomb residue.  Afterwards, he came back and said all was fine but he needed my boarding pass to write down my name and flight I was taking.

I handed him my info, along with my HMO card and a co-pay and asked him if I was good for another ten years.

Gotta love the government's new streamlined efficiency - Obama Care at it's finest.  He did say that I should get that hemorrhoid checked out.



  

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Jimmy's Fantasy - Kiss

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.   Jimmy does crazy things while driving.  I'll give an example:

I've got my iPod blaring a song in the car.  The song just happened to be Prince - Kiss.  No sooner than we get to one part in the song... you can probably guess, but I am stopped at a traffic light and I'm singing away.  Luckily the car windows are up.

Just as I turned to check the traffic, I'm still singing and I look directly at another man in the car next to me as I clearly and enthusiastically enunciate the words, "I want to be your fantasy."

He smiled... I turned away and the light changed.

Fortunately I did not wait to see if he returned the next line, "Baby... U can be mine."


Saturday, August 6, 2011

Jimmy Sees the Joplin Miracle

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... but I will.  Shortly after the tornado that ravaged Joplin hit, Jimmy drove through the town to see the damage for himself.  My car load of four was pretty somber as we came across a wide open spot in the middle of town that was a completely annihilated.


The swath had to be over a mile wide and stretched for what appeared to be another three more.  Nothing was left standing except for a few brick homes, some large trees (no bark with only the largest branches left) and the hospital.

It's hard to say the hospital at the top of the hill was left standing because it looked like a bomb had gone off next to it with all the windows blown out.  Entire blocks all around the hospital were completely leveled.  How anybody survived is a miracle.

The next day, we drove back by the city and stopped for dinner just north along the interstate.  We had heard of some of the strange sights where blades of grass were driven into tires and I am sure everyone has seen pictures of the splintered 2x4 which was impaled through a blacktop curb... but the waitress provided a few personal touches.

She said it was hard to talk about it since she lived in Joplin and knew so many people that were hit.  But luckily, that day she had been working north of town when the tornado struck.  She said, "You can't imagine the number of people that I've talked to and others I've heard from that all said, 'the only part of the house that was left standing was where I happened to be.'"

Of the 8000 homes that were demolished that day, only 160 lives were lost.  And when I say demolished... literally there was nothing left.  That was a miracle in itself that more people did not perish.

However, the waitress wanted to relay another story she had heard floating around town about a mother and her young daughter that were trapped inside their home.  After the tornado passed, they crawled out of the fallen structure and the mother could only see the total devastation for blocks around.  Then she looked at her daughter who could only say, "Wasn't that beautiful mommy?"

What?  The mother again looking at the demolished rubble for as far as she could see wondering what her daughter found so beautiful about the disaster other than the fact that they were both still alive.

The little girl finished by saying what she had witnessed, "When the tornado went through, wasn't that beautiful watching all the angels circling around us - protecting us?"




Saturday, July 16, 2011

Jimmy Makes Headlines... Kind Of.



Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  The day after the 1991 lightning strike, Jimmy had a stiff neck.  I can only assume it happened from snapping my neck around so fast after the bolt struck the ground behind me.  So I spent the next day at the chiropractor's office getting fit with a neck brace... but I still made it to the Open.

The neck brace must have looked odd as my wife avoided walking with me since apparently it looked a bit dorky with a huge white brace keeping my head held upright.  But the added fashion accessory of a large pair of binoculars hanging around my neck made it look even dorkier.  (Might I add that the weight of the binoculars probably wasn't doing my neck any favors either).

The weather was beautiful, but I didn't want to be in the sun that much to avoid having a funny looking tan around my face where the brace blocked all access of the sun's rays... so I planted my self under a nice shade tree by the 17th green to watch the professionals hit into the par 3.  While my wife and our friends bask in the sun along the hill, I stayed cool under the tree.  I must have looked like a mentally challenged individual that everyone was shunning because I looked so odd.  No friends wanted to hang with me... but it kept the crowd down and gave me extra room.

A few moments later I felt a dampness on my shoulder.  Since I couldn't turn my head to check, I lifted my left hand to check the area and got confirmation.  I yelled over to my wife, "Hey hon... I think a bird just shit on my shoulder.  Can you help me?"

She looked and started laughing so hard, I thought she was going to roll down the hill and into the water.  Since she offered no help, I had to find a leaf and some grass and wipe it off by myself... all blind to the outcome since I had to do it all by feel.  Apparently no one wanted to help the invalid. 

Of note... the next day, I picked up the paper and they had published a spectaular shot of Payne Stewart hitting into one of the par 5's.  I enlarged one area of the photo below.  See the two guys laying in the rough under the ropes next to the cameraman's left shoulder?  Those two were in our group and I am kneeling on the ground behind them.  I think my wife was so embarassed by my looks that I had to abandon the neck brace to join the crowd with her and I was using the brace to sheild my eyes from the sun. 


Karma... it's a funny thing.

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Jimmy Remembers the Lightning at the 1991 US Open at Hazeltine


Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  The month of June will mark the 20th Anniversary of the 1991 US Open held at Hazeltine National Golf Club.  I thought I would commemorate this posting (and several to follow) with a look back at several of the events from Jimmy's perspective.  However the first will be a bit more reserved since several spectators were struck by lightning and one was unfortunately killed at this tragic event.

All the big names were there - Nicklaus, Irwin, Faldo, Kite, Strange, Couples, Fuzzy, a promising youngster named Phil Mickelson, the eventual winner Payne Stewart and of course... Lee Trevino.  For those that don't know, Trevino was struck by lightning earlier in his career and lived to tell about it.


Kite
Nicklaus
On Thursday, the first official day of the tournament, Jimmy, Jimmy's wife and another couple decided to hop around the course picking various famous groups to watch.  At hole 15, Lee Trevino came through and we decided to follow him in.  We should have known that Trevino and lightning don't mix, but we didn't think much of it.  It had been a perfect day, but as we followed Trevino, the sky was becoming dark and a storm was brewing to the west.



Irwin
Mickelson
Several around us noticed a lightning bolt in the distance.  The strike did not go unnoticed by Trevino as he put his hands up questioning the tournament officials wondering if they were going to suspend play.  But no one moved (I don't think they knew what to do) and play continued even though an obviously frustrated Trevino was a bit concerned.  He had missed the green with his approach shot into 15 and was standing in the long grass trying to make a delicate chip onto the green and flubbed his shot.  Again, the flummoxed Trevino showed his displeasure, part at frustration for his poor chip, but he also seemed to be motioning that this was in response to the severe weather coming toward the course.  He appeared to be unhappy that no one had the same concern for the ominous weather approaching.  Again no one took control and he finished the hole.

By this time, I had managed to get a bit closer to Trevino and heard him say while he was exiting the green, "Jumbo... We aren't going any further.  Follow me.  I'm heading to the car." And Jumbo followed him around the barrier ropes over toward the cars located next to the steps leading down to the 16th hole.  (Jumbo was his playing partner, Jumbo Ozaki).  Unknown to me, Tournament officials had placed two sponsor cars at every hole (I thought mainly for display), but they also served as the spot for the players to take refuge during a rainstorm.  Contrary to published reports where Trevino defended the tournament officials by saying they suspended play first, in my opinion he made the call himself and was not going to go any further.  I have to commend Mr. Trevino for deciding to seek shelter rather than wait for someone to tell him, but given his history, I can completely understand his motives to stay safe.

About this time, Herman (Trevino's caddie), got separated since he thought they were continuing the round and I could see him headed my way.  I held the spectator ropes up for him to go under to follow Trevino to the car.  I remember him saying - half thanking me - half joking around, "Uh oh... gotta go where the boss wants me to go."  I think he had been heading to the next tee and had not realized that Trevino had walked off the course.

Within moments, we heard the warning sirens to seek shelter.  So we started to run toward the clubhouse... along with 20,000 other spectators.  The wind became so severe that every umbrella I saw became inverted and strewn along the way.  Just as we were reaching the edge of the 11th fairway, very heavy rain started pelting down and we tried to take shelter at the crest of the hill under a Dove Bar stand with its miniature stainless steel umbrella doing nothing to stop the sideways rain (at the time, I wasn't thinking about lightning, but rather seeking shelter out of the rain, but we had found an obvious lightning rod).

I had my back to the bottom of the hill and then I heard a crisp thunder clap behind me.  I knew it was close and I yelled to everyone around, "Get down!" and we planted our faces in the wet cedar mulch.  It wasn't but a few seconds later that I heard some one yelling, "Medic! Medic!" and I assumed someone in the crowd was having a flashback to Vietnam.  It wasn't until I turned around to see 6 people laying on the ground at the bottom of the hill and I realized that lightning had struck.

Later we took a closer look at the tree that was struck.  The willow was probably the smallest tree around the 11th tee box and it was at the very bottom of the hill.  It made no sense.  There were taller trees around (which was fortunate since more people were gathered there) or it could have hit at the top of the hill were we were standing next to a metallic rod planted in the ground.

All I know is that I have a healthy respect for lighting to this day.








Saturday, May 28, 2011

Jimmy the French Fugitive

Me Knows Better That to Say This... But I will.  Jimmy is hoping the statute of limitations is over, or the French authorities do not have the means to locate him (... or someone that may look like him that is).  About a year and a half ago, I rented a Skoda SUV, but a buddy wanted the opportunity to drive on the French Autobahn system.  Unfortunately the French don't have an Autobahn... that is in Germany.  


The "Interstate" (for lack of a better term since it definitely wasn't an unlimited Autobahn system) was fairly crowded on the northbound lane leaving Paris and the pack driving kept everyone pretty much in check.  The Skoda couldn't handle much but at the crest of a hill, my buddy saw no one in the left lane and he decided to see what the little machine could do with the gravity assist.  


I wasn't paying much attention in the back of the SUV, but I could tell that there was a definite change in velocity and as we reached the bottom of the hill, an unexpected flash of lightening lit up the interior of the SUV.  Immediately my buddy shouted a profanity and said, "They got me!"  Automatic camera speeding sensors took a quick picture of my buddy and he looked down to check the speed.  He did a quick conversion in his head back to mph and thought it should be OK.  


When we arrived at our destination, he asked about the speed trap near by and what the fine might be.  They did a quick check and discovered that if he was around 30-40 km/h over the speed limit, the fine would be 135 Euros - about $200 bucks.  Everyone laughed at his misfortune until he said, "Well... I'm not sure if the speed limit right there was 110 km/h (68 mph) or 130 km/h (80 mph)... but, I'm pretty sure I was doing 180 km/h (112 mph) when they took my picture."  


The room went silent and our French hosts stopped laughing.  "Monsieur... no one goes that fast in France.  This is not Germany.  We take speeding very seriously here.  The fine for anything 50 km/h over the speed limit is 1500 Euros ($2100).  


My buddy was taking it pretty hard thinking about the $2000 bill he would get when he arrived home and promised himself that he needed to watch his speed for the remainder of the trip.  On the way back to Paris, I sat in the back waiting for him to inch above the speed limit.  Just when he got the Skoda back above 130 km/h, I popped the flash from my digital camera and the whole interior lit up -  just like the speed trap.  


Immediately my buddy shouted the same expletive teamed with, "I can't believe it!"  Everyone in the SUV started laughing... and they laughed even harder when I showed them the camera... everyone except my buddy.  "Jimmy... some things just aren't that funny."  However the guy sitting in the front passenger seat next to him said, "Oh no... but that one was."




Post script:
I never received a bill or ticket from the car rental agency which was how our hosts said the ticket would arrive... It would be sent to me since I rented the vehicle (and not my buddy).  He was good for it, however, since the rental was in my name, I stood the biggest risk of re-entry back into France the next time I tried to clear customs.  To be safe, I worked out an arrangement with my local colleagues to check on me once I got through customs... If I didn't make it, I wanted someone who could speak French to come bail me out of jail.  To date... so far so good.  I just hope the statute of limitations runs out pretty soon.



Saturday, April 30, 2011

Jimmy's Visit to the Doctor

Me Knows Better That to Say This... But I will.  The doctor had to get on my case the other day about my BMI number - Body Mass Index.  The exchange went something like this:

He said very politely, "Let's just say that you're hovering at your maximum allowed weight."

"I know... but did you round the decimals correctly?" I asked.

"I already gave you the benefit of the rounding."

"Oh.  OK - I know how this ratio operates... so what you are saying is I either need to lose weight or grow taller?"

"Yes - whichever is easier for you."

In my mind it's still a coin flip.



Sunday, April 24, 2011

Trip to the Holy Land (Part 7 - Jerusalem)

The final leg of our Holy Land trip was Jerusalem and the first site we visited was on the eastern edge overlooking the old city and Temple Mount.  The first thing that struck me was how compact all the sites were and the amount of history we could see from this view.




Just to give you a perspective, we are standing just south of the Mount of Olives with the Kidron Valley between this photo and city.  The Old City of David is in the lower left corner below the Temple Mount and walled city.  David built his city lower in elevation than God's house as he wanted the Israelites to look up to God.  The big corner is the SE wall where Jesus was tempted by the devil.  At the time of Christ, it would have been a long way to fall into the Kidron Valley; however, over the centuries a road was built next to the wall.

Following the wall zig-zagging to the left is roughly where the Last Supper was held.  Later that night, Jesus and his disciples returned to the Mount of Olives (just to the right side of where this picture was taken).  After being arrested, he walked back down, across the valley and to the north side of the city, where he was persecuted and crucified.

In the middle is the Dome on the Rock, which is a mosque today, but sits directly above Solomon's Temple.  More on this later.



We started our decent into the city by taking a route that Jesus may have triumphantly taken on Palm Sunday riding on a donkey to cheering crowds.  The crowds laid palm branches across the path as a sign of the new king that would free them based on their human ideas.  Coincidently the sign of the zealots was the palm and this symbolized the coming king they thought would take control of Israel.



Our next stop was Mount of Olives where Jesus spent much of his time.


After witnessing the layout, I can understand the proximity better.  It is close to the city, serene, and provided a perfect view into his Father's house.  From this vantage point, we are at the same elevation as the temple and Jesus could easily look directly inside the Temple.






Looking from the Temple Mount back across toward Mount of Olives, this is the view and you can see how close everything is located.







Here is another view from the Temple Mount area looking back toward Mount of Olives.
The entire Temple Mount is controlled by the Muslims and many refuse to believe that the Jewish Temples where built in the same spot as the current mosque.  It is so odd to hear the Muslim call to worship echoing around the city.  After the Temple was torn down and the land controlled by the Muslims, they erected the mosque using building materials left over from other sites.  In order to access the Temple Mount, we had to go through security and were told that Bibles were not allowed on site.  Even as we gathered, our tour guide pulled out a small poster to help describe the layout of the original temple and he was instructed by the controlling authority that it was not allowed.


The Muslims are also concerned about the prophecy about the second coming of Christ.  When he appears, he will walk through the East Gate and the Muslims have figured a way to prevent this.  They buried their dead across the gate (no one is allowed to walk across graves) and they bricked the opening.  So they figure they can stop God by a little brick and mortar.  I think God will find a creative way to walk through the gate on that day.




Legend has it that the Dome was built over the rock that God tested Abraham to sacrifice his son Isaac.  It was not that Abraham wanted to sacrifice his son, but that he trusted God completely and later God stopped him.  I believe that God would not have asked Abraham to do something that God himself was not prepared to do later by sacrificing his only son, Jesus and in essence was a little more foreshadowing of events to come.



We walked along the Via Delarosa to the various stations of the cross.  At the end we came to the Church of the Holy Sepulchre where early pilgrams claimed Christ was crucified and buried.  While there, our guide toured us, but did not explain much.  There was much activity and many worshipers in the church.  There was a long line up a stairway to see some site that we later learned was where Christ was crucified - or so the belief is of many of the Greek Orthodox and Roman Catholics.  However, while I am not a biblical scholar, this did not seem to match what was written in the Bible.  For one thing, it is inside the city walls and crucifixions and burials happened outside according to traditions.

Later we stopped at the Garden Tomb.  There are many reasons why this seems to be more logical in my opinion.  It is outside the city walls and right next to Golgatha (the skull).  The site is on the main road to Damascus and a busy intersection outside the gate to serve as a public warning.  Excavations around the site confirm this was a public execution location.

In addition, just to the west of this skull outcropping is a site which was excavated in the early 20th century.  I was always puzzled by the words in the Bible from Mary asking if the person she was talking to was the gardener.  It seemed odd to me, but it makes more sense now that Jesus may have been buried in a garden setting.  The wealthy Joseph of Arimathea asked to bury the body quickly (Passover was coming and there was no time to prepare a proper burial site) and he had a family tomb that was partially ready.

The excavated site found the third largest cistern in Jerusalem and could easily support watering a very large garden.  Also a very large wine press was found which would need many grapes from a garden in order to utilize it.  All of this would have needed a very wealthy individual to support it.


Finally the tomb was cut out of the stone face and the body would have been laid on the right side.  From the door way, one could look inside to the right to see a body just as Peter and John did.  No bones were found and in addition, the second burial spot was never completed.   This had to be a tomb of a wealthy man.  Why wasn't it used?  Why wasn't it completed?  If Jesus had been buried there, that might explain a lot.




The opening to the tomb has a grooved slot where a large stone could be rolled away.  We saw a similar one in Jordan that looked like a large eight foot disk carved from stone.  One like that could have easily fit in the grooved track.  And finally, the remnants of an ancient metal spike which was pounded into the stone face is still present.  It is suspected that this could have been the seal placed over the stone to ensure that no one stole the body.




No one will know for certain, but the Bible seems to support most of this evidence.  It is not hard to imagine an angel sitting atop a round stone.
















Finally to complete the Holy Land Blog, I wanted to finish with my favorite passage.  I had not noticed this until recently when our pastor mentioned the multiple use of the word "you" and how Jesus personalized the message.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going?

Thomas said to him, "Lord, we don't know where you are going, so how can we know the way?"

Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." John 14:1-6









A final humorous observation: While walking through the Arab shops there were many novelty items for sale. My favorite is this T-Shirt. It is made in China, sold by Arabs, in Israel, to American tourists.  Gotta love capitalism!





















Just a couple more photos from Jerusalem:


Church at the Garden of Gethsemane



All the paper in the cracks are written prayers.




The Western Wall.  Since Jews are not allowed to pray on the Temple Mount, this is as close as they can get.


















Friday, April 22, 2011

Trip to the Holy Land (Part 6 - Valley of Armageddon & Mt. Carmel)

The city of Nazareth sits about half way between the Sea of Galilee and the Valley of Armageddon.

Is it a coincidence that the home of Jesus is half way between the living water of the Jordan river and the fiery death of Armageddon?

Looking west from the hill on the outskirts of Nazareth, the land opens into a wide plain, one that General Allenby, a British WWI general, declared to be a perfect place for a battle.  His forces later defeated the Turks (the remnants of the Ottoman Empire) near the end of WWI on this very plain near the city of Megiddo.



On the other side of the valley is Mt. Carmel.  The view from the top looking east (shown above) is spectacular and the entire Valley of Armageddon can be seen below.  Mt. Carmel is the site where Elijah held his challenge with the followers of Baal.  (I learned on this trip that my pronunciation of Baal as Bale was incorrect.  In Hebrew there are no vowels and it is pronounced Bah - al.  When it was translated into English it was Ba al and merged).

The story of Elijah is quite interesting.  Israel, following its pattern, fell away from God and started allowing other religions to surface within its borders.  It got so bad that Elijah predicted a severe drought would come.  For seven years it did not rain and when he finally met with Ahab, he was accused of being a troubler for Israel because of the drought.  Everything on this mountain, including all the forested hills,  was like a tinderbox and people were on edge.  So to prove who was the true God, Elijah had witnesses from all over Israel meet on Mt. Carmel along with 400 prophets of Baal to decide.  The site is the highest point around and the winner would be noticed all around the valley.

Elijah had two bulls ready to sacrifice and he let the Baal win the coin flip to choose which bull they wanted to cut and put on their pile of wood for a sacrifice.  Then he asked the Baal to prove how powerful their god was by having them call on their god to set the sacrifice on fire.  For hours the Baal chanted and nothing.  Elijah started to taunt them saying that they probably needed to shout louder as their god was probably deep in thought and could not hear them.  The Baal continued but to no avail.  After a day of watching this, Elijah said it was his turn.

Elijah built his altar, laid out the pieces of meat and had 4 large containers of water poured all over the wood.  Then he had them repeat this another two times until the wood was soaked and filling the trench all around the altar.  For seven years, no rain and the Baal could not set the wood on fire... but Elijah soaked his until it was overly saturated and then asked the God of Abraham to answer him by setting the wood on fire.  The answer was seen all around the valley and then he seized and slaughter all the false prophets of Baal.

Then Elijah promised that the drought was over and he climbed to the very top of Mt. Carmel and prayed.  He asked his servant to look toward the sea to watch for clouds.  (While we were there, our guide pointed out that we could see the Mediterranean Sea from our vantage point and this was the perfect position to look across the sea to watch for storms).  After the seventh time asking his servant to look toward the sea, he noticed a single cloud forming.  Subsequently a large and heavy down pour followed signaling the end of the drought.


Another view from Mt. Carmel.  Over our shoulders is the city of Nazareth on the hill.   










Later that day we drove back to Tiberias on the Sea of Galilee and the beautiful rainbow followed us.  Pictured in this panoramic photo is a rainbow over the Sea of Galilee as we were entering the city.  Suggest you double click on it to get a good view.




Finally a view from our hotel balcony of the colorful sunset over the Sea of Galilee on our last night there.








Sunday, March 27, 2011

Trip to the Holy Land (Part 5 - The Sea of Galilee and Mt. Hermon)

After crossing the Jordan river into Israel, the atmosphere seemed to be a bit more relaxed.  We were safe and it felt like home.  It was indeed the land of milk and honey where all the available land was used in an efficient way to maximize the available land resources and keep Israel as a self-sufficient country.  They can't count on any neighbors to any great extent so efficiency is at a premium.  The roads along the Jordan were solid farming communities dedicated to every imaginable crop including bananas.  Contrast this to the opposite side of the river in Jordan where half completed buildings and communities littered the valley.

Tiberias would be our hub for several days.  The ancient city, named for the Roman emperor Tiberius, sits on the Western shore of the Sea of Galilee and our hotel had a magnificent view of the sea and Roman ruins everywhere.

We started with a boat ride to take us to the northern edge of the sea.  While on the boat, we took the opportunity to read many of the scriptures related to Jesus teaching his disciples about being fishers of men and the story of Peter walking on the water.  



I took a moment to peer over the edge and wondered if I had the courage or faith to do what Peter did and step out of the boat.  My swimming skills are not that great, but had to be better than Peter's.  In his day, swimming was almost non-existent and the most hazardous part of of a fisherman's work was drowning.  Drowning was one of the worst forms of death - sinking to the bottom of the unknown sea.  And yet Peter stepped out and walked on his own until he panicked.  I always assumed the answer Jesus gave to him, "Ye of little faith" meant Peter's lack of faith in Jesus, but another interpretation could be that Jesus was encouraging Peter and expressed a bit of disappointment in Peter's lack of faith in himself.  He had enough faith in Christ to step out, but lacked faith in himself to continue.  Well, he still got further than I did.  

We boarded a bus and headed north to the Golan Heights to see the head waters of the Jordan River and get a glimpse of Mount Hermon.  The debate continues on the site for the Transfiguration of Jesus.  Some believe it happened on Mount Tabor near the southern Galilee while others claim Mount Hermon.  After seeing Mount Tabor at 1900 feet in elevation and comparing it to the snow covered caps of Mount Hermon at over 7000 feet I am leaning toward Mt Hermon.  From a distance it is a beautiful mountain and I could see why a couple of disciples wanted to build 3 shelters: one for Elijah, one for Moses and one for Jesus.  

Another reason is the significance that this is the headwaters for the River Jordan.  The river starts as a wide stream and seems to come right out of the base of the hill and continues into the Sea of Galilee before exiting and continuing south to the Dead Sea.  It seems surreal that the river starts a bit above sea level and by the time it hits the Sea of Galilee it is already 700 feet below sea level and ends 1400 feet below at the Dead Sea.  But the river symbolizes life and what better way to connect the Transfiguration.  Even the tree seen in the photo is growing right out of the hill following the start of  the river Jordan.  This photo is looking downstream standing at the base and just above where the river spills out of the rock.  I'm not a scholar, but the dots seem to connect.

We made two other stops.  One to the site of the Sermon on the Mount and the other to Capharnaum, the likely home of Peter, James, John and Andrew.  Both are on the northern edge of the Sea of Galilee.  It was hard to find a spot where the Sermon may have occurred, but a church is located at a beautiful setting above the lake and it was easy to envision Jesus talking to many people in this lovely setting.  


Close by, we took a short bus ride to a church located near a rock that Jesus used to lay out the 2 fish (along with the 5 loaves of bread) to feed 5000 people gathered at the time.  (See Mark 6:30-44).  Jesus could not send a group of people away hungry and performed one his many miracles.  After all ate and were satisfied, the disciples were instructed to clean up the area and they gathered up 12 basketfuls of extra bread and some pieces of fish.  No one left hungry.

 

The church is called the Heptapegon which is the Greek word for "the place of seven springs."  The number 7 pops up a bit in Christianity.

















An altar was built over the rock and the church contained several beautiful works of stained glass art.  
















At the end of the day, we witnessed a beautiful sunset over the Sea of Galilee.