Jimmy’s Electrical Adventure

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.   Jimmy was reminded today while he was fighting an obvious direct short in an electrical circuit about some good common sense when it comes to dealing with electricity.  Luckily he had some valuable “real-life” experience to draw upon that occurred a few years ago while running an extra set of outlets in the basement.  Jimmy had the “brilliant” idea to finish all six outlets and then join them at an inconspicuous box in the utility room.  It’s all about the planning.

The plan was coming together very well until I realized that the only light in the utility room was on the same circuit as the hot input outlets where I had to connect– but this vital bit of information was not available until after all the outlets were installed.  The best and most sensible solution at that moment was to stop, get a portable light, and turn off the breaker.  At that moment, sensibility left the room and Jimmy had the “brilliant” (there’s that word again) idea.  I thought that it would be much quicker if I just wired them hot rather than go find a portable light and trudge all the way back to the panel to shut off the system.  What could go wrong?

Now I know that most of you are thinking – wow, what a stupid idea, but none of you were around to provide that type of insight. 

I had insulated handles on the long nose pliers.  I was standing on dry ground.  I didn’t plan on touching any bare wires for obvious reasons.  I had done this before.  This should work out just fine.  I grabbed the first wire with the pliers, had a hold of the outlet and then… BANG.  I’m standing in total darkness… not a sound of any kind in the house… total silence.  Apparently things didn’t go as planned or I was about to meet St. Peter.  I found my way out of the room and noticed that my pliers were missing a chunk of metal.  Actually a chunk of metal melted away leaving a gapping hole in the shape of a non-existent 14 gauge wire rendering the tool useless.  At that moment, I realized – wow, that was a stupid idea, and I kicked the breakers back on to inspect the rest of the damage… which was contained to one burn mark up the side of the wall. 

 

Jimmy reminds people not to try this with your home.

Note:  This is not a photo of the described event.  On a dumber note, this was the second attempt.

Jimmy Understands the Importance of Spelling

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.   This week, a high school classmate reached her dream and published her first novel.  In honor of her exquisite writing, I thought could share the other end of the spectrum.

A colleague of Jimmy reminded me that his own writing in high school never quite conveyed the message he intended.  He always had the best intentions and was (and still is today) a very thoughtful person nonetheless.  While in high school and dating the girl he would eventually marry, he thought he would surprise her with a fresh doughnut he picked up on the way to school and place it in her locker with a little love note.  This is where the thoughtful gesture went wildly astray. 

She opened her locker to a great surprise and read the note.  It said, “Good morning sweat heart.  This dognut is for you.”

She still married him.  She is a teacher today and reminds all her students about the importance of proper spelling.  He is an engineer.  I guess we are all predestined to certain careers. 

Congratulations Colleen on your novel… Jimmy took the easy way out and pursued engineering.

For more info on Colleen's new novel see:  http://www.fridayjonespublishing.com/Friday_Jones_Publishing/Glass_Halo.html

Jimmy – A Witness to the Best Non-Productive Golf Shot of All-Time

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  Since it’s a golf weekend for me, I figured it was time for a golf story.  One can argue the merits of what could be considered non-productive in golf, but Jimmy witnessed the strangest shot of all time that was essentially a wasted swing.

It all started innocently enough on a par 3.  The lady in our foursome had parked her golf car on the path next to the green and proceeded to walk in a straight line from the car, across the green.  She surveyed the landing spot next to the flag and then proceeded on that same line directly into the trap that had eaten her tee shot.  She setup nicely and had a nice follow through, but she caught it too cleanly.

I knew the shot was a bit strong as it sailed over the lip of the trap, so I started yelling, “Hit the flag!  Hit the flag!” hoping it would snag of piece of the cloth and drop by the hole.  However, the ball whistled past the flag – just missing it by inches.  Then desperately hoping to stop the ball before it headed over the green and into the woods, I again yelled, “Hit the car!  Hit the car!”

This time the ball obeyed and on the fly, hit the front tire and immediately reversed course back toward the green.  While the ball was still in the air, it was again looking a bit too strong so I yelled, “Hit the flag!  Hit the flag!”  Again it missed the flag by a mere inch or two, bounced twice on the green and rolled back into the trap.  And yes - it rolled directly into the divot where it started. 

The ball traveled over 40 yards total and had two chances to drop by the hole for an easy putt, but ended in the exact same place it started.  That had to be the best non-productive golf shot that Jimmy has ever witnessed.

Jimmy’s Perplexing Sign

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  I saw this sign in Belfast.  Not sure what it means, but I’m sure Jimmy’s not supposed to do it at any time. 

Jimmy's Sign From Above

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  OK, OK, OK… Jimmy knows he really needs glasses, but still won’t admit it.  As further evidence to support that conclusion, a business trip took me back through Ames, IA.  A colleague suggested we make a quick tour through the campus, grab a bite to eat and continue our trip.  It had been a while since my last visit and since it was getting late, this was a good place to stop for supper.

Upon arriving at the campus, my head was on a swivel and I was amazed at all the changes.  I continued to drive and then I turned along Welch looking for a place to park and an old hangout that we could get a beer and burger. 

I commented to my traveling companion, “Wow, there sure have been a lot of changes around here.  They even have a clock tower in the middle of the street.  That wasn’t here the last time I was in town.”

A second later, I found a parking spot and noticed several unfamiliar buildings… ones that didn’t exist when I walked these same hallowed grounds. 

“Look… they even have a Visitor’s Center,” I stated much to my amazement.

My colleague looked around and asked, “Where?”

“Over there,” and I pointed at a two story building across the street that appeared to have been constructed out of bricks, but it was a little too dark to be certain.

“Uh?”

“Over there,” I pointed again.  “See the two story building with the lights on the bottom level.  It has the sign over the top that says ‘Visitor’s Center'.  Can't you see that?" I said incredulously.

Casually, my friend corrected me, “Jimmy… you mean that sign that says ‘VISION CENTER’?”

Jimmy may not be that bright, but perhaps that could be a sign it's time for glasses.

Jimmy’s Chocolate Milk Adventure

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  A few days ago, my wife announced that there was an unopened container of chocolate milk in the refrigerator that we should probably use.  Now the only person that loves chocolate milk more than me is my daughter so I thought I would give her first dibs.  I waited a day and the container still sat unopened so I figured now it was fair game for anyone. 

The brand of milk sitting in the refrigerator was unfamiliar to me, but after a hot day on the golf course, I poured a large glass to enjoy with my sandwich.  It wasn’t too bad, but I quickly decided that this brand, flavored like a chocolate malt, wasn’t the best.  Over the years I have reached the conclusion that I much prefer chocolate shakes over chocolate malts as the malt taste doesn’t usually enthrall me.

As I continued to drink it, all I could do was associate it with the unpleasant after-taste found at the bottom of a warm chocolate shake from McDonald’s that had been sitting in the car a little too long.  But I forced it down since one should never let any chocolate go to waste.

The next day I remembered to mention to my wife, “Say… about that chocolate milk, let’s not get that brand anymore.  I’m not a big fan of malt flavored chocolate milk… and it must have been mislabeled because it didn’t say malt flavored on the jug either.”

“Uh… you mean the chocolate milk I just threw out yesterday?”

“Why… didn’t you like that flavor either?” I asked.

“No… it had soured and smelled pretty funky to me so I threw it out.”

On a related note:  Jimmy has started checking USE BY DATES a little closer.

Jimmy Is Disillusioned By Politics

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  I ran across this sign today. 

Is it just me or does this sign say it all about the sad state of politics in the US today?  The website described the event as, “Enjoy a day of friendly camaraderie on the golf course while getting to know your fellow retailers and state legislators.” 

Not only are legislators out on a golf outing when we don’t have money, but the event is sponsored by Pawn America.  This is just ironic on so many levels.  Jimmy is still shaking his head.