Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Well obviously the Parent of the Year Award will not go to Jimmy. I think it stems from past violations around Thanksgiving time ten years ago. At the time, my daughter was having a hard time sitting still at grandma’s place waiting for the main meal. Since she was only four years old it was quite understandable and the cousins had gotten her pretty wound up throughout the day. She needed a nap in the worst way but would not sit still for fear of missing anything.
In order to move the process along, Jimmy decided it was best to have her sit on his lap and watch a little TV. The only problem was that Grandma received only three useable TV stations (which brought back memories of my childhood). Of the three, one had football – this was no interest to my daughter – although I would have gone for that, but I was still in the running for Parent of the Year. The second one was fuzzy and needed a person to hold one end of the antenna while using the opposite hand to point toward town. (I would have used this option, but my hands were full and it too brought back too many good memories of my childhood when it was my job to double as the signal boost ground operator). The third and best choice (like I had any other) was to watch the family friendly cartoon - The Simpsons.
Now I know that the Simpsons is not the best choice for a four year old, but given the constraints and the objective to keep her occupied until she fell asleep, it seemed like the best option. Everything was going well and I figured what few age inappropriate jokes they had, would go over her head… until my wife showed up to help. Her first comment was, “You aren’t letting her watch that show are you?”
Rather than explain the options, I responded that this episode of the Simpsons was really tame and I pointed at my daughter’s head and mouthed the words, “This is way above her head. Don’t worry.”
Unfortunately I did not know this episode. It was the one where Mr. Burns had a girl friend and she was trapped in burning building. In an instant, Mr. Burns developed super human strength, rushed into the building to save her and somehow carried her out against all odds. The reporter on the scene asked him while he was still holding her like a bride across the threshold, “How were you able to perform this miracle when you are barely able to walk?”
Mr. Burns replied, “Well, you know what the strongest muscle in the human body is… it’s the heart.”
Homer happens to be standing by and responded, “That’s funny, I always thought it was the wiener.”
Immediately my wife gave me the I-told-you-so-stare, walked over to the TV and slapped it off.
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