Jimmy’s Crappy Luck

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.   Since electrical work is not Jimmy’s specialty, he decided to try his luck with minor deck construction.  Slapping boards together is not all that tough.  In order for a deck to be stable (not fall down for the non engineers in the audience), it is best to ensure that the ledger board is properly secured to the house. 

The ledger board work is a pretty simple task.  All it takes is a small drill, a 3/8” bit, a lag bolt, and a ratchet.  This is about the simplest job in all of deck construction… what could go wrong? 

Everything was going smoothly (which should’ve been my first warning sign)… tap the hole, insert the lag, and ratchet it into place.  Move to the next spot, redo above procedure.  A monkey could do this job… while eating a banana… it’s that simple.  On about lag number four, the resistance on the ratchet became much higher than normal.  Jimmy applied more force using several straining repetitions as he called upon his inner ape like strength, (saying a few curse words under his breath about those damn knots in the wood probably helped the most) until the object finally relented and gave way to the gradual click, click, click of the final few torque down twists with minimal effort. 

Holes five through ten were uneventful like the first three. 

Upon completion, Jimmy decided that something didn’t seem right… why would nine lags be so easy and only one so difficult?  What was different about lag number four?  Since the basement was not completed, it was easy to remove the insulation and inspect the various lags protruding into each and every preselected location… exactly where it should be.  Fail one…

As I removed the insulation from lag location #4, I purveyed a 4” diameter PVC pipe sucked up against the outside wall.  The lag pierced the object a mere 2 inches below the main floor.  Crap… hit the sewer drain pipe.  Me should know better.