Airline Cuisine to Mumbai

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Note to self: Next time check seat locations on planes before arriving at airport. This is a simple rule I will live by from now on. This goes with the corollary to this rule: No seats within 5 rows of the bathroom.... especially should Northwest/KLM serve vegetable burritos with curry spice to please the overwhelmingly Indian crowd flying into Mumbai. “Whoa!” is all I can say.

I also made an executive decision that there is a new job I don’t want any part of… cleaning bathrooms on an airline after a nine hour flight - as it looked like… well let’s just say I had to use my right shoe to keep clinging toilet paper from sticking to my left shoe and vice versa creating an interesting scene stepping out the bathroom door.

The odor emanating from the small and frequently used room was especially interesting. It alternated from an obnoxious sanitary sweetness, on one extreme, to a residue of post-processed burritos… Indian style. After a while, I was really hoping to smell the sanitary acidic odor all the time, however, it turned into a mild blend of each which wafted out every time the door was opened.

While the smell seemed to get de-sensitized to my olfactory glands after a few hours, the constant traffic and local greeting and conversation area next to my head did not. This sustained distraction allowed me the option to snooze in roughly 15 second intervals… but of course this was over 9 hours so it all added up to a good night’s rest… that is if you only need 24.5 minutes of sleep per night. Not only that, but each person had to bang the door, not once, but twice (once to get in… once to get out) and throw in the constant whoosh of high speed bodily fluids with an air suction unit tied directly into the wall behind my head. The wonders of modern sanitary systems never cease. I think the trains in Europe do it the right way… just let it drop from the sky.

And since it was a high traffic area (apparently this version of an Indian burrito did not seem to agree even with the Indians), each person that meandered over to my private abode had to brush my elbow or rock the back of the seat while they balanced standing outside the door. Nice.

I also observed a custom for which I was not prepared to experience. Just as I was falling off for one of my 15 seconds of sleep, the gentleman beside me decides to show his appreciation for the meal with a large and sustained belch. Since I was unable to muster a responding show of similar approval for the meal, I assumed that all bodily displays were appropriate and I lifted my right cheek… again only as a sign of deep and gastrointestinal respect for the meal… but thought twice before allowing the signal to become public as it may have produced an unexpected outcome… for me that is.

It was then that I determined that the close proximity to the bathroom does have one major advantage.