Jimmy Says Farewell - It's an End of an Era

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... but I will.  Yes, I know, it's an end of an era... a sad day... a farewell of sorts.  I know most of you were hoping that the blog finally bit the dust... but no - something even more somber for some, and a celebration for most in my household.  No.  It's not the end of the year that some are thinking... but on the same level, it is a moment of reflection of past glory and yet the anticipation of a solid future on which to build - a comfort beyond any measure for Jimmy.

Yes, you guessed it - my wife's nemesis is finally being tossed.  The glory days are over for the old sweatshirt.

(A fitting memorial is planned.  I may have to fold it into a triangle and send it to the VFW for proper disposal.  I'll miss you old friend).  

Some might ask... why?  You see the glory days are back.  My wife gave me the greatest gift - HALLELUJAH - a new sweatshirt to replace my compatriot.  She's the best.  Thanks hon.  I'll treasure it and keep it for as long as I had the first...

Yes I know, I can't wear it to bed...  OK no wearing it to church.  But I insist that on days I wear it, you can't make spaghetti or anything with red sauce.  







PS.  Right now I kinda feel bad about getting you those Pajama Jeans.

Jimmy's Black Friday Fiasco

Me Knows Better Than to Say This... But I will.  Jimmy swore off participating in Black Friday sales years ago, but I must have forgotten and somehow my wife talked me into doing the Thanksgiving Day blitz in her stead.  She had to work and since sleeping was my only excuse... weak as it was, I was elected to go.

The task assigned to me was simple - get to The Home Depot before the doors opened at 5am, pick up an artificial Christmas tree, return home and go back to bed - simple enough.  My wife circled the item in the flyer and specifically pointed out the $49 pre-lit Christmas tree.  That was the intended target - simple enough - piece of cake - can a corn.

I strategized that since only men would probably go to The Home Depot and very few of them would ever wait in line in the middle of the night (especially for a Christmas tree), my chances would be pretty good if I just got there 5 to 10 minutes before opening.  Therefore I decided to "sleep in" until 4:30am, and still get a good place in line.

When I arrived at my pre-calculated time, I was somewhat surprised to see 100+ individuals in a long line stretching down the sidewalk.  For crying out loud... this is only The Home Depot store.  Who in their right mind would be standing in line to get tools and stuff?  Yes... women.  Apparently this artificial Christmas tree was a high demand item so this was going to be a bit tricky to maneuver around highly trained shoppers that they were.

At precisely 5am, the store opened and the orderly queue filed in as many shoppers dispersed through the store.  From behind 20-30 people I could see people making a mad dash picking up long boxes I could only assumed where my intended target - the $49 pre-lit Christmas trees.  But the crowd in front of me stopped and no one could move.  I continued to see the stack dwindle right before my eyes so I had to make a drastic decision.  The only other guy in the store, stood right in front blocking my path.  He was pushing a huge flat top carrier and he couldn't move from the mass of bodies starting to backup in the aisle.  I asked him if his wife also forced him to pick up a Christmas tree and he said no... he was headed in different direction and unfortunately could not get though... so I climbed over him and walked across his cart... all with the most brotherly love possible... after all this was Christmas.  Sorry bro.

I could not have waited any longer as I arrived just in time to proudly grab the last box and fend off the multitude of ladies I had just thrown to the side.  I had my trophy and it still displayed the $49 sign on it as proof of my superb hunting skills.  I walked up the counter and quickly paid.  Total time elapsed in the store - less than 5 minutes.

As I was walking back to my vehicle, it dawned on me... she said "pre-lit" and the other phrase I remembered from the night before... "don't get the pre-decorated one." I think the other part she said was, "LET ME REPEAT... DON'T GET THE PRE-DECORATED ONE."  Uh oh... 50/50 odds now.

Since it was still dark outside, I had to wait until I loaded the vehicle and then I turned on the lights.  At this moment, Jimmy had a choice:  Return the item or go home.  Since I didn't want to set an embarrassing world record for the earliest retuned item ever - 7 minutes after the official start - I decided to head home and insist that she said she wanted the "PRE-DECORATED."   Better luck next year hon.