Eagles and Harleys and Claws... Oh My

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. On a spur of the moment type of thing, Jimmy decided to venture down to see a raptor release this morning. Back in August a bald eagle was spotted next to a road in Northern Minnesota by a gentleman riding his motorcycle. The eagle never moved and upon returning he noticed the eagle was injured.

As Brian tells the story, he decided he had to help. So he wrapped up the bird with his leather jacket and strapped him down to the back of the bike with a bungee cord. When asked if the leather jacket he was wearing today was the one he used, he responded, “No, it got pretty tore up by the bird, but when Harley-Davidson heard about this, they sent me this brand new one to wear.”

Although the Raptor Center doesn’t normally name the wild birds they are trying to return to nature, the media nicknamed the bird Harley.

Brian continued talking about his adventure trying to corral the bird and he mentioned that he still has a scar on his left thumb where the eagle took a bite. He added, “All I can say is that bite really, really hurt… a lot, but not as much as when he grabbed my right arm with his talons.”

By the way, the Raptor Center stepped right in and reminded everyone at that point to contact the DNR to pick up injured animals.

No shit. Who knew that trying to wrap up an injured bird of prey with a stinking leather jacket and then trying to bungee cord his ass to a motorcycle wouldn’t be dangerous…

Decisiveness Part 2

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  On the subject of Decisiveness, Jimmy knows a person that was being tested for ADD and she was asked the following question by the examiner, “Do you ever have trouble making up your mind?”

Quickly she answered, “No I never have a problem making a decision.”

After a moment of contemplation she corrected herself, “Well some times I… uh…” and then she reconsiders the direction, “No, no… sorry, I don’t have any problems.” 

Then to be absolutely truthful since this was after all a medical question, she added, “But on occasion….” 

Finally, flustered by her own rambling, she finished, “Well… I don’t think so.”

To which the questioner responded, “I’ll just take that as a yes.”

Jimmy Loves Decisive People (Part 1)

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. True story. A friend told me about taking a prenatal class and the nurse went around the room and asked each person, “What is the one trait you would like to pass along to your child?”

The standard answers came out, “I would like my child to get my… sense of humor.” Or “… get my organizational skills.” Or “… get my green eyes.” Or “… get my dimple.” You know - the standard simple things.


Then a business man ponders for a moment and with a bold voice declares, “I would like my child to get my decisiveness… I think.”


Nice try buddy.

So Life Has Come To This

Sent from my iPhone

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will.  What happened to my youth?  What happened to the adventures in life?   There was a time when New Year's Eve meant staying out late, drinking and laughing till way past midnight, but the past decade has been anything but that as father time demands an early close to the evening.  I was afraid that age had finally caught up with Jimmy and life was over, but now the adventures are back… well almost.

There was a time when an interesting evening activity was wine tasting… not that Jimmy was very good at distinguishing the flavors erupting on the palate.  Heck, I had a hard time distinguishing between a Merlot and a Riesling… not sure where that word came from but I think it's a white wine.  But I was pretty adept at knowing the difference between the alcoholic beverages which were fermented with hops if that is any consolation.

But at this stage in my life… it has come to this.  Instead of wine tasting… the new vice is… wait for it… peanut butter tasting.  Yes you heard right.  Last New Year's Eve, a group of friends were bantering the age old question… which is better - JIF or Skippy? Lines were drawn and stretched back to childhood preferences.  Apparently change is not a word used well in my circle of friends.  

However, we decided to do a Taste Off to settle our differences once and for all with a blind sampling and crackers between each test to ensure a clean palate.  Each person had to list their current favorite then taste both and select the best.  

Jimmy's favorite since childhood is, has been and will forever be Creamy JIF.  The group was divided almost equally between the two giants of processed chemical spread, with entrenched stances similar to mine as to which is the best variety.  Vows were made that they could tell the difference.  In the unlikely event of selecting the opposing brand, each person swore they would never change.  Game on.

This may sound like an exaggeration, but I can assure it wasn't.  The beer may have been talking for everyone and boasts were ringing with bravado saved for major sporting events as each taste tester claimed the ability to tell the difference.  

The results?  Well over half of us were unable to distinguish our preferred peanut butter and about that same number came to the conclusion they liked the opposite one better than their original selection.  

Jimmy has decided, while it might be difficult to get used to buying Creamy Skippy, I would be unopposed to the selection… if it were cheaper.  Case closed. 

The Art of Winter Driving… Jimmy Style

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Now that the Statue of Limitations has expired and anything I say beyond this point should NOT be construed as an admission of guilt, I can tell this story. Jimmy realizes now that winter driving skills are finely honed artistic endeavors… much like ballet on ice.



Every time it snows, my daughter starts laughing and then proceeds to remind me of a story I told her that happened many years ago… now well past the Statue of Limitations I remind you and not subject to prosecution. I only told her to show her the dangers of idiotic winter driving and following cars too closely when the driving conditions are suspect.


The adventure happened while I was rolling down the road in the left lane on my way to work… going along with the traffic at the prevailing speed, which as it turned out was faster than any of us should have been driving. The snowing was falling with a good stiff northwesterly breeze making the visibility a bit lower than ideal and the white fluffy stuff was accumulating quite nicely. As I was driving with the pack, I became a bit concerned at the speed and decided I should check to see how slippery the road deck was and thought I should tap my brakes just a bit to gather a data point to support my suspicions. I carefully realized that it would have been stupid to tap my brakes while traveling over the bridge so I smartly waited until after I cleared… well just barely cleared. That was when all hell broke loose.


See… this is where the knowledge of following some idiot too closely is important. Not to say that Jimmy was the idiot here or not, but the idiot behind him truly was such an example… and the idiot behind him… and probably a few other idiots in succession. The moment I started my experiment to gather data (again only to check the low coefficient of friction theory) I realized that the back end of my car moved a small amount and I made the reasonable conclusion that it was indeed slick and that we were all idiots for traveling too fast. Unfortunately for the car behind me (who I might remind everyone is just coming off the bridge) panics at the sight of brake lights and steps on his brakes a bit harder than he should have. Subsequently, the car behind him which is fully on the bridge concludes there is a problem ahead, jumps on his brakes as he suspects time to impact is now a vital concern.


This is where it gets interesting. Everyone knows that while driving in slippery conditions that one should never use the brakes on a bridge deck as the results will look like a ballet in slow motion. Mere moments after my successful experiment, I looked in my rear view mirror to watch the idiot immediately behind me fishtail and start to regain control. Then a split second later, the supreme idiot behind him does what I would consider is an unrecoverable spin with an immediate bailout into the ditch at a ninety degree angle to the median with a blast of snow which cushions the impact and brings him to an immediate stop. The explosion of snow was quite the sight as apparently everyone behind him decided to admire the spectacle. That pretty well cleared the road as Jimmy had no one following him into work that day.