Jimmy's Blog Stoops to Mass Commercialization After Black Friday

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. (Jimmy apologizes in advance as it may take a while to follow my logic and where this leads. However, I will get there… eventually).

Jimmy is a bit of a movie buff. I remember trivial parts of many movies which clog up the important facts in life. My wife on the other hand can watch a movie a couple of times before she realizes it ends the same way each and every time (sorry honey). Which leads me to the movie - Wayne’s World (not the greatest movie, but by far, not the worst), where Wayne and Garth promote their local cable access show (and their movie) by smiling and pointing at several well known products noting that they would never stoop to such “gratuitization” of their show.


Well Jimmy has decided to take that gratuitization plunge. Not that long ago, I had some of the best chocolate cake and cookies from one of my “unofficial” readers. (I think “unofficial” means they want to remain in the shadows without acknowledging that they actually do read this blog… but I digress). Anyway, Di has her own business providing cakes and cookies to various events and parties and individuals that want a special treat… it doesn’t have to be for any specific reason. The chocolate frosting has a secret ingredient that was disclosed to me but I can’t reveal its true nature because it may or may not be a trade secret.

The food is to die for… which coincidently is the name of her business – http://2di4desserts.com/.  

So, I am asking that my two official readers (or those that remain in the shadows) to please contact her immediately during this down economy and buy some really good desserts. This may be the one thing that brings back the economy and employment… because we know that stimulus money didn’t do anything; however, I guarantee that these desserts will stimulate you. I’m sure she could make arrangements to send them wherever you are. This would probably be the most patriotic thing you do… ask not what you country can do for you, but ask what these desserts will do for our country… God bless America, Capitalism, 2Di4Desserts, and Jimmy’s Blog… Amen.

Because my Damn American Lawyers need to protect Jimmy's Blog - THE FNE PRINT: 
The following legal disclaimer must be read as fast as possible and without any understanding whatsoever or herein. All claims past present and future are null and void and not intended to violate any trademark, copyright, millwright, Wright Brothers, or writing rights herein and therein. Jimmy is not responsible for any human, subhuman or alien within the universe getting fat as Jimmy was told there were no calories in any product, subproduct or substances herein or therein… or that me wanted to believe when eating said or unsaid products. Any use of Healthcare, Medicare, Obamacare, selfcare, Carebears, or KARE TV is or is not, may or may not be approved, denied or paid for by Jimmy. (OK… Jimmy can make that one really plain – me not responsible for anything). Official sanctification of above websites has or has not been confirm, denied or proven that they exist from and whereas herein forward, therefore all humans, subhumans and aliens must and hence forth, do there, or their own due diligence and product performance testing with or without said or unsaid knowledge of Jimmy. Although royalties, product in-kind, or gifts from above officially and/or unofficially sanctioned websites, will never be turned away, turned upside down, sideways or crossways… but only eaten, consumed and digested. Amen. (In plain English… Di, please send over some more of that cake). Thanks.

The Great Favorite Pie Survey

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. In honor of Thanksgiving, Jimmy thinks it is time to bring out an old Thanksgiving story about pies… no not the one where Jimmy still has an aversion to pumpkin pie stemming from a small case of the flu in 3rd grade… sorry… just in time to help the pumpkin pie sales there.

No this story starts about twelve years ago when my nephew was in the 2nd or 3rd grade himself and had a math homework assignment to survey the family about favorite pies. All the data would be tabulated and reported with all the other classmates the next Monday at school.

So my nephew goes to each family member and quizzes each asking them what their favorite pie was. He gets the standard, “pumpkin, apple, banana, chocolate (my personal favorite there)…” and runs back to his dad to add each to the tally.

Then it was my turn. But ‘ol Uncle Jimmy had to mess with him a bit.

“Uncle Jim, what is your favorite pie?”

“Well…” I said and then I looked off into the distance to feign some in depth consideration. “I would have to say that my favorite pie is… you know they’re all so good… but I would have to say my favorite is Cow.”

Then he runs back to his dad to tabulate the data point searching in vein for an unlisted choice on the sheet. He keeps looking and then asks his dad about the unfamiliar selection.

To which Jimmy hears a squeal and a laugh as the joke was finally explained to him, “Uncle Jim, you can’t like Cow Pie!!!”

Uncle Jimmy… just molding minds of the future.

Jimmy's Big Sesame Street Diaper Idea

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Me not sure why I am on this subject, but here goes. I was day dreaming… one day that is… while looking at a pair of disposable diapers. Hold that thought for a moment… It’s not what you are thinking.  I am not wondering if the sizes will fit me or looking to add to the family, but it just happened. (Me not sure where these things come from… once again a little clarification - that is the inner workings of my mind… not babies or diapers. I have good handle on both). But to get back to the subject at hand, today’s diapers have so many varieties in patterns and colorful logos that weren’t available in my diaper purchasing day… in this daydream, the particular one I was looking at had Big Bird from Sesame Street on it.

That got my mind to thinking… if someone would put a sensor into the bottom… then parents would know that the diaper was ready to be changed. Then to springboard off that… what if we added a voice alert system similar to those obnoxious greeting cards that play music when opened.

I can almost hear Big Bird casually mention in that semi-stupid voice, “Hey, someone just laid a big one down here!”

Or we could have Bert and Ernie added to the print pattern and they could debate the situation, “Ah Bert… I think it’s your turn to change this one.” Then Bert could chime in, “Oh no Ernie. You’re mistaken… I got the last one.”

Or the Cookie Monster could shout in that obnoxious tone, “Cookie!”

Well… he always was kind of an odd Muppet.

Or we could have Kermit zee Frog say, “We got a green one down here,” only if the sensors determined it was a bit messy.

Or even The Count could join in the fun. “That’s a number one… oh sorry… make that a number two.”

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy… come back to reality.



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EDITOR’S NOTE: While Jimmy was researching this subject… well actually visiting Walmart to get a photo of a Sesame Street Diaper… he got lost in the store. Not wanting to make a big deal of it, he casually walked up to a Walmart store employee and in a soft voice he asked, “Say where do you keep the diapers?”


The clerk asked a clarifying question, “You mean,” her voice got a couple of octaves higher, “… the baby diapers?”

“Yes.”

“They are in the back corner over there.”

As Jimmy was walking away, he was a bit perturbed… even though he looked a bit old to be getting baby diapers, he could have been a grandpa looking out for his family. Hey… it wasn’t even out of the realm of possibilities that he could have a little one that age… was it?

It wasn’t until he took a few more steps and it finally dawned on him that she may have mistaken Jimmy’s quiet question for diapers as a request for ADULT diapers. COME ON NOW. DO I LOOK THAT OLD?????

A New Perspective on Birthdays…

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. While traveling it is interesting to hear people’s views about many subjects… even if they are wrong. Oh, don’t get the wrong impression, I didn’t create any international incidents here in France, but I did find it humorous about the perspective people have… Take this as an example. I found it quite funny as it was spoken so truthfully by a young French woman.

It was disclosed during lunch by her friends, and much to her embarrassment, that over the weekend she had celebrated her birthday. Everyone at the table was making a big deal of it and I could see that she didn’t want to talk about it. But eventually she provided a few details to satisfy the requests of her co-workers.

In a sheepish tone she started, “Oh, I didn’t really do anything special on my birthday… I just went to the south of France.”

Me thinks that sounds kind of boring too… Mediterranean, Monte Carlo, Nice, The Beaches… doesn’t sound like anything special to me either.

Why Didn't Someone Tell Me

Me Knows Better Than To Say This... But I Will. Jimmy was walking

through an airport in Europe looking for a good deal in one of the

Duty Free Shops and came across this "promotional" display.

Question: Are they trying to make a sale or not?

Now that I know this info, maybe I should drop this habit.

My only question is why didn't someone tell me sooner?

Did I miss some info I should have known?

Jimmy Can’t Understand The English Language

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Ireland… great country… great language… still not sure what they are speaking. I asked the young lady at the hotel reception desk about getting on the Internet. Her reply was classic Irish brogue, “Aye… you can get-on the Net.”

“So what do I have to do?”

“Easy, I give you this card, it has a password and I charge your room.”

“Great, how much is it?

“Well ninety minutes is six points, and twenty-four hours is ten points?”

“Excuse me? How much?”

“Six points or ten points.”

“I am unfamiliar with the point system. What does that mean?”

The receptionist looked at Jimmy with a very perplexed look and repeated the prior statement this time trying to enunciate the words more carefully, “Six points or ten points.”

Jimmy was doing mental gyrations, unsure if this was a modified currency for the hotel where they didn’t use a monetary system, but rather a point system… until it dawned on him that she may have said something different.

“Oh, you said – ‘poings.’ What is the value of a ‘poing’ if I choose to do it?”

Again, another perplexed look before she repeated it, “Sir, it’s poings.”

Jimmy tried to pretend he knew what a ‘poing’ was so he asked, “So what is the going exchange rate of a ‘poing?’” hoping to go back to his room to calculate the cost.

The receptionist had a blank look on her face so Jimmy looked to the end of the counter to see the bellhop smiling and barely controlling himself trying not to bust a gut laughing.

Then the young lady said in her best attempt to enunciate the word as slowly as possible, “That would be… six or ten… poings… Sterlin.”

The additional word “Sterlin” still did not register with Jimmy, then a moment later, it finally dawned on Jimmy, the brainiac, that the receptionist… yes the one with the strong Irish accent… was not saying “poings” but rather ‘pounds.” She had been trying to tell Jimmy that the cost was ten British Pounds Sterling.

Jimmy has heard better English in Chinese.

My Connection To Auschwitz

I need to deviate from my normal blog this one time and let this soak in.

Got back from Auschwitz late last night. Not sure how to start.

Overwhelming is probably the best description. No one would believe the enormity unless they saw first hand the piles of items the Nazis took... like combs - piles and piles of combs.... piles and piles of tooth brushes, wire rimmed glasses, human hair shaved from the dead which they later returned to Germany for textiles and stuffing... clothing on clothing... and the part which really made me quiet was seeing the stacks of baby shoes. You would not believe the pile... and these were just a fraction because most were sent back to Germany. I had to estimate there were hundreds which ranged from 3 months old to just barely toddlers. Tough to even write about and... really tough to hold it together while looking at them.

I was already down, then around the corner I saw something that would later make my heart sink even further, if you can imagine that. In another exhibit they had placed stacks and stacks and stacks and stacks of luggage. Most of them had self-written names with addresses... because the Nazis said they would be getting their belongings right back and delivered to them a little while later after they were settled.


I didn't associate anything from all the names from all the suitcases because I wasn’t looking that closely - there were just too many to process in my mind. Everything started to become numb as I disassociated myself from what was in front of me. There were so many suitcases and so many names just in this one enclosure. It was hard to imagine 1.1 million of these suitcases over 4 years. There were too many to read right in front of my eyes so it was easy to skip over them because the names were unfamiliar to me. I am sure they were just ordinary European names, Polish names, Jewish names, names from everywhere... names I had never really seen, but they became common names too quickly when I skipped over them... too common... all were phantom people to me... people I did not know... people that were ghosts to me... I had no connection to them... then one suitcase changed it all for me. As I stared at it, I realized that these were people that were known and loved by others and they just disappeared brutally without a trace, minutes after getting out of the rail cars just like cattle. Right then I knew how horrible it was. I thought I knew before... but I didn't.  I did not really know until I saw that one suitcase and I put myself into the situation. What would you think if you saw your name on that suitcase… or your spouse’s name… or your child’s name… or someone you really loved? Tough to think about it until you realize that those suitcases were just that. In that life could have been someone you knew or loved... and all of them had someone.

French… A Foreign Language to Jimmy

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Well, Jimmy flew into Germany and drove into France. The countryside was beautiful and while going through the forests close to the border the drive reminded me of all those fairy tales we heard as kids … like Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel and Gretel (which now, looking back on them were pretty disturbing… what kind of parents try to scare the crap out of kids?)… but I digress as usual. (Luckily this isn’t Twitter, or I would be out of words by now)… but back to the damn story.
Blah… Blah… Blah… oh yeah… the country was beautiful, people friendly and the food… not that great when compared to Italy. But the people were great to talk to. Luckily those two solid years of high school French came in really handy. I could converse if I only said, “Merci beau co.” Which I was forced to say for everything… including the food which only reinforced the idea that the food was good in their minds… which it wasn’t.

Then out of nowhere, the French language was flowing from Jimmy’s tongue. He was in another time and place… perhaps it was an out of body experience as he started pontificating, “Si j'ai été élu, il ne serait aucun gouvernement plus. Il n'y serait un poulet dans chaque pot, deux voitures dans chaque garage (pressé des cours en un seul emplacement) et un téléviseur grand écran plat sur chaque mur. De cours que tout le monde serait propriétaire que je possède la partie de la société de l'iPhone.” … All with the perfect accent of course.

And everyone was amazed.

Of course no one was amazed more than Jimmy… when he stumbled across the translator program on the Internet while writing this blog.

The Alps

Me Knows Better Than To Say This... But I will. Jimmy had to send
this one out. I could not come up with anything cynical to say.
Don't think I am going soft here, but I had to send off a preview of
the Alps. Beautiful. Even taken with my phone... And through a
window, I hope you can enjoy.

Looking out at the switchback roads, I can safely say that Jimmy's
wife would stay in town and shop... and collect the insurance money a
little later. Just beautiful... I must take a trip to Switzerland
some day. I would probably fall off the mountain taking photos. The
photo does not do justice to the view at all.

Life is Good in Italy

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Life is good in Italy if you don’t need a phone, TV or the Internet. Jimmy dropped off his bags in his hotel room and had to return to the front desk to ask about the phone… or lack thereof. “Can I call out from my room?”

The hotel clerk responded, “Si, si… you can use-a the phone-a in the room-a.”

“But sir, there is no phone in my room… just bare wires sticking out of the wall.”

“No phone-a in the room-a?”

“Yes, just wires.”

“Oh, si, si… sorry then… no phone-a.”

“How about the TV?”

“Si, si… TV in room-a.”

“Yes, I know. TV in room sitting on table, but no way to turn it on.”

“Use-a the remote control-a.”

“But the problem is there is no remote control and no controls on the TV itself. It just stays black.”

“Si, si… sorry. Perhaps when you get back-a to da room-a… you a call-a house keeping about-a the remote control-a?”

“Uh… like I said… no phone. Oh, don’t worry, I’ll just go back to my room and work on the internet.”

“Oh seniora… internet only available across-a da street-a… at restaurant-a.”

“Grazie. I’ll just go over there in my pajamas.”

“Si, si…”

Jimmy decided to have a chocolatta cappuccino to stay up since, besides no alarm clock in the room, how could I get a wake up call? Life is good without electronic stimuli. This is a laid back country. No need for all that messy stuff like worka.

Welcome to Italy

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Life definitely is different in Italy. Just after landing in Venice, the plane taxied to the terminal and everyone jumped up trying to get off the plane. After a few moments of no movement, the captain’s voice boomed over the intercom, “We’re going to have to wait another 15 minutes or so. The ground crew arrived, but they forgot to bring the stairs. They sent someone back to get it.”


Welcome to Italy. Life is Good. You-a don’ta worry, we drinka Expresso then we come-a backa and getta you. Ciao.

Italy is so laid back. Jimmy wonders how close to a coma Italians would be if they stopped drinking Expresso.

Oh Crap… Curry Revisited

Me Knows Better Than to Say This… but I will. Not sure if Northwest Airlines knows what they are doing to me or if the dietitian knows the misery they are placing on their customers. Two for two on flights now … is there something about curry spice they have to serve… and I’m not even going to India. But the announcement about the food choices brought the words, “Oh crap… not this again” to my lips. Then Jimmy thought better about his choice of words. We don’t need a repeat of that blog do we?